I've had some experiences in my time and don't quite trust him to do certain things to me. One of the main ones is receiving oral sex, and I have big issues with anyone trying to make me feel good. A little unfortunate, when it comes to sex.
In the past we have been switch but it's been a year or so now and I still have that desire to please. I think I need it in my sex life. I am pretty determined and independent in other areas of my life but sometimes I get in too far and just need to focus on the simple task of following someone else's orders.
I find making other people come immensely satisfying. It's a big pleasure for me, and I revel in how it makes me feel, which is great when it comes to submission. When I was younger I often fantasised about someone pinning me down and having their way with me, and I had my first orgasm during a dream with similar themes.
Concious I have only had one, which was one of the best feelings of my life.
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In the past I was pretty badly abused, and so don't trust men too much. When me and Beast were friends I had no issues at all, but as we got closer and started having sex my head wasn't letting me be who I wanted to be with him. As I've already said, it all came to a head last weekend when we were on a festival together.
Now I have to say that I lost my virginity in a tent. Overall I remember it positively, but I have scars on my sphincter and my labia from where he bit me whilst going down on me. I lost all three cherries to him but I still love anal sex. It's the oral problems that have stuck.
My panic attacks get worse if I'm hungry, I need a shower, if I'm tired or feel threatened. Being in a tent with a man who could pin me down if he wanted to and not having had any breakfast made me flip, and I have to say can't remember most of that day.
What I can remember is all the talking we did! I remember coming around, him leaning down and whispering to me.
'How are you, my pet?'
I looked at him and he smiled.
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And that was that. We spent the whole of the day talking, it was tipping it down outside and so we only really ventured out for food. We talked about everything from what I would wear when with him, to masturbation and communication over the next few months, as in September we're off to separate universities.
He's on holiday at the moment and I know he's going to read this when he gets back. I guess then we'll truly know if this is what we both want. It's going to be interesting playing whilst the folks are in the house and I feel a little trepidation about his training but I am sure that's a normal feeling for any sub to go through.
He given me instructions to blog at least once a week about how I feel about being his submissive. He's also given me mantras to say to myself morning and night. I don't know how I feel about them yet but I know he wants what is best for me and so I'm going to try and trust him.
Tops - any thoughts on training a new submissive? Bottoms - do you have any stories from underneath?
KLS
